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We native English-speakers (instant qualification: most of us by no means as good at English as we would like to believe, or as a surprisingly large proportion of non-native-speakers)… Sorry, let’s start again, shall we?

We native English-speakers are used to having the language world to ourselves. Here in the UK, language teaching has been relegated to a pitifully small part of the school curriculum – a very far cry from the heady days when language "centres of excellence" could be found around the country, and when a language degree from a university really meant something. And that’s because, well, everybody (more or less) speaks English! Or so we like to think… (more on that elsewhere!).

But why is this? In our work we interact with exceedingly capable speakers of non-native English all the time, from the translators and copywriters who are our colleagues to many of the clients who give us work in the first place. I am regularly blown away by the sheer competence displayed – the breadth of vocabulary, the grasp of idiom, the appreciation of (let’s face it, difficult) British humour – but, and it’s a big but, I can’t help wonder WHY such a strange, hybrid language should have become so popular. Is it the spelling? Definitely not! Is it the simple, easy-to-learn grammar? Again, I think not. Is it the way we leap lightly from one register (e.g. informal) to another (e.g. very formal) and back again? Non, je ne le crois pas !

Actually, I think the reason is a deceptively simple one. It’s because, unlike almost every other language in Europe (and indeed, elsewhere), we’ve done away with the distinction between the formal and informal second-person modes of address. We no longer have to struggle with the horrors of "tu" versus "vous", of "du" versus "Sie" (let alone "Ihr" and some of the other complex possessives you’ll find in the Slavic languages). No, not for us that automatic association of individual’s name with appropriate form of address which has become so second-nature to French, Italian or Spanish speakers. We simply say "you". All the time. To anybody. What a relief.

But hold on, Bill, I hear you cry: that’s the point, isn’t it? To these other folk, making this distinction is completely automatic! It’s like falling off a log! Surely you’re making too much of it? Not if my own experience – backed up by an entertaining tale I recently heard from a colleague – is to be credited. In French particularly, I find that the delicate moment of agreeing to se tutoyer (address each other as "tu" rather than "vous") is fraught with complex social horrors. There’s the difference in (perceived) rank. There’s the issue of age. There’s the awkwardness of the client-supplier relationship. And that’s all before you get round to working out whether the person you regularly speak to should be regarded primarily as a business colleague or as a friend. Hence the amusing tale which follows…

A friend (and colleague) of mine (suffice to say, we regularly address each other as "you". Sorry, couldn’t resist) has been working in France and Francophone countries for decades. Despite the fact that he’s Australian (sorry, Steve: again, just couldn’t resist!), his French is exceedingly good, and he has been on tutoyer terms (that’s the informal register) with many of his clients for years. Imagine, then, his shock when he found that having reached a reasonably august and sober age – more specifically, having discovered that his remaining dark hairs had at last been overwhelmed by the encroaching grey – an increasing number of his younger client contacts asked his permission to stop addressing him as "tu" and start addressing him as "vous" again! A non-native French speaker could easily interpret such a request as a slap in the face, although in fact it is (in principle) a sign of respect, indicating a desire to interact at the appropriate register. But even between native French speakers, the potential for embarrassment is acute.

It works the other way, too. I remember my own dismay when, on contacting a very nice colleague after a hiatus of some months, I inadvertently addressed him as "vous" (ironically out of a desire to be polite rather than presumptuous). There was a long pause, and then a mournful voice at the other end of the ‘phone said, in profoundly reproachful tones: "Mais Bill, on se tutoyait…" (= But Bill, we used to address each other as "tu"…). Absolutely mortifying – and a cause of real awkwardness for some time afterwards.

I have a number of French clients with whom I enjoy excellent, thoroughly personable relationships, who prefer to use English rather than to drop into French and by so doing, be obliged to decide exactly what ‘status’ our relationship now has. While French is a particularly tricky language in this respect, even in Italian, Spanish or German (all of which are regarded as – on the whole – more relaxed) you can still make major faux pas. Hence my conviction, which has grown rather than declined with age, that of all the attributes of English that make it suitable for international interaction, ‘you’ is the strongest of all…

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